Not As It Seems Chapters 13-17

Chapter Thirteen:

“Gina this little boy, he makes me so sad.” I told my best friend, before really even letting her absorb what I was saying, but I knew she would understand. She always did.

“Justine slow down, what boy?”

“Kyle a little boy in my classroom, he is so full of disrespect and hate, and I have tried to talk to him, I just feel so lost.”

“Justine give it to the Lord.”

“I’m trying Gina, but I need to let go of the flesh.”

“Sweetie you can do it.”

“I hope so.”

“You are going to Justine, I know you, and I believe you will get through to this little boy.”

“I have another matter on my mind as well.”

“What’s that?”

“Twin girls in my class, I have a feeling something is going on at home, but I am not sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know that’s the thing.”

“Abuse?”

“I don’t know, but they had an older sister who died, said she had a bad fall and died, everyone else seems to believe them. I am just not sure. But I wasn’t there, this happened when they were in preschool though. I know they are very sad, shy, timid kids, especially Helen, Heather is finally starting to open up more. I just don’t know what to do Gina.”

“If you suspect abuse you really should report it.”

“But what if I am wrong?”

“It’s better to be wrong and have to apologize then to be right and do nothing. If something happens to those girls and you don’t say something that is going to have to be something you have to live with.”

I knew Gina was right. I had to say something, but I wasn’t sure when or who, or what? I had a million questions and not enough answers.

Lord help me to do what I am going to have to do? Give me the courage I need to speak of, and if these children are being abused, help something get done about that. If someone in that household is responsible for the older girls death because I don’t know what to do Lord, I am so lost, but I am going to get through this and I am going to get through it with your help. I love you Lord and I appreciate all you have done, but please help me in this.“I am just confused right now Gina.”

 

“I’m trying to help you Justine.”

“I know and I appreciate that, I appreciate everything you have done for me. I am so glad we are friends.”

“I am too Justine.”

“I’m sorry to bother you with all of this.”

“It’s no bother sweetie, we are best friends, and we help one another. I am glad I can help you.”

“It seems you are always helping me. I don’t feel like I do much to help you.”

“Justine you do more than you know.”

“I hope so.”

“You do Justine.”

“Good.”

I felt a little better after talking with Gina. Gina was good at helping me through so many things. I was blessed to have a friend like her the sister I never had been blessed with but God had brought us together for a reason and now I had a sister in Christ. I was grateful for that.

I found myself turning to 2 Corinthians 3

2 Corinthians 3

1 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? 2 You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

4 Such confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

The Greater Glory of the New Covenant

7 Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, transitory though it was, 8 will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? 9 If the ministry that brought condemnation was glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! 10 For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. 11 And if what was transitory came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!

12 Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. 13 We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to prevent the Israelites from seeing the end of what was passing away. 14 But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15 Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16 But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate[

a] the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. a]b] 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 24 For,ca] the faithful in Christ Jesus: b] predestined us for adoption to sonship[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, 9 he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10 to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ. e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12 in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. f] of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. 18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 21 far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. 22 And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23 which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. I was grateful I was able to turn to the Lord and find comfort in the word, I knew that I could not make it through life as well as I did without the Lord. The reason I was able to have joy in my heart was because I had the Lord in my life, but that did not mean I did not have my questions, that I did not wonder why sometimes bad things happened. I wondered often why children were hurt, but that did not lessen the wonder and love of the Lord, I understood that now. It was not the Lord that caused the evil in the world, it was our sin, and Satan trying to take over us, having us live by the flesh.I was thankful that the Lord had got me through those months and I was sure he would show me what to do with these children. It seemed everyday when I looked at Heather and Helen I felt that something was not being said, I really needed to get to the bottom of this. I wanted to reach these kids and I wanted to help them, but Gina was right I was going to have to say something, before it was to late.I closed my Bible after reading from 2 Corinthians and began thinking about what I could to help this situation. I wanted to do what was right for these kids, and for myself but more importantly I wanted to do what the Lord would have me to do. I needed to seek his guidance more, something it seemed I often needed to work on, but the Lord was faithful and I knew that. I had lived his faithfulness.

 

 

Chapter Fourteen:

Justine are you sure you are ready? It’s only been a few months since the accident, college will wait.

Chapter Fifteen:

I turned to 1st Peter 1:

1 Peter 1

1 Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ,

To God’s elect, exiles scattered throughout the provinces of Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, 2 who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood:

Grace and peace be yours in abundance.

Praise to God for a Living Hope

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

10 Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, 11 trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of the Messiah and the glories that would follow. 12 It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

Be Holy

13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”[

17 Since you call on a Father who judges each person’s work impartially, live out your time as foreigners here in reverent fear. 18 For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors, 19 but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. 20 He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake. 21 Through him you believe in God, who raised him from the dead and glorified him, and so your faith and hope are in God.

22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.[

“All people are like grass, 
and all their glory is like the flowers of the field; 
the grass withers and the flowers fall, 
25 but the word of the Lord endures forever.”[

And this is the word that was preached to you.

 

If something happened to these girls or any of the remaining kids in that family I was going to beat myself up for it. I was going to hold myself responsible.

Lord help me through this. Help me do what you would have me to do. I feel so lost, but I need courage, and I need guidance. I can’t go anywhere without you. I do not want to go anywhere without you. Living my life without your guidance is only a recipe for disaster I understand that Lord, and I do not want that. I want to serve you because you are worthy to be served. But I do need your guidance, I do need your help in knowing what to do with Helen and Heather and Kyle and Megan. I feel so lost with these kids at times, and all for different reasons.I knew that the Lord knew what I was feeling and that he would be faithful to guide me as he had done so many times before. I could not even begin to count the times the Lords hand had helped me through a situation and I knew I needed to do a better job of thanking him for that. I needed to spend more time in prayer and praise, right now it seemed all I was doing was asking and not doing near enough praising. I knew that had to change the Lord deserved better from me.

 

Forgive me Lord, I feel I have not thanked you enough for my blessings. I guess I could never thank you enough, but thank you. I appreciate everything you have done for me. I really do, and I know I have been asking for a lot, but I do want to be able to help the children I work with I felt it was you calling me to teach. You showed me that I could do it.I had to focus more on my blessings and not let the un-easy feeling I was getting take over. I needed to do what the Lord would have me to do, and that meant setting Kyle in his place as well as taking my suspicions to authorities about these kids, but I was scared.

 

Why am I so scared Lord?I knew Gina had been right when we talked the other day. I had to speak to someone. I could not let these kids suffer anymore if there Father was hurting them and if he wasn’t I would have to apologize and hope he understood and that somehow I did not ruin his image. I just couldn’t take the chance that I was right, and I had a strong feeling I may be.

 

I am not going to be able to do this on my own Lord.I was grateful I had the Lord to turn to. I knew that without my faith, without Jesus’ love I would not have made it as far as I had, and I would not continue to make it this far. The Lord was the reason I had finally got passed the grief and the pity party and moved on with my life. I was in a chair yes, but that was not the end of my life and I was so glad I had finally saw that. I knew it was the Lord and the people who he put in my life that had shown me that.

I never said you would have to my child.

I hope I am doing the right thing.

 

Lord thank you for getting me this far. I know I could not have made it without you. Thank you for loving me as you do, for loving me while I was but a sinner. Thank you for loving us all, and Lord help me to help your children not only the ones in your class, but let me be a witness to all that are in my life. I appreciate you Lord, and I want to do my best to serve you. Thank you Lord and I praise you.I picked up the phone to report what I suspected. I did not know what would happen, but what I did know was I could not as their teacher allow these children to get hurt at home and not have me do something about it. If I was right and there Father was hurting them then something had to be done. If he had killed his oldest daughter, like I was beginning to suspect there was nothing to say it would not happen again, and he had to be stopped if I was right.

 

Lord I hope I am wrong, for the sake of these kids, I hope I am wrong. This is not something I want to be right about, but I can not sit back and do nothing either. I am so grateful that you have got me this far, but I need your help with this. I need to speak out Lord, I know that.

Chapter Sixteen:

Justine I knew you were a fighter. I am so proud of you.

Chapter Seventeen:

Sitting at my desk I did not know what would lay ahead of me. Helen and Heather were absent again, and I had a feeling it had to do with the fact that I had reported what I feared, that they were being abused. I could only pray that they were okay. I felt bad because I had no idea what was going on with these children, but I had to teach the class. I had to try and reach out to Kyle and make sure he behaved. I wanted to teach all these children, but I found myself feeling guilty because Helen and Heather had missed the last couple of days.

Lord what is happening with them? Let me not have made matters worse for them, but I can not sit by and do nothing. I know that, but I still feel bad. What if I was wrong Lord?Gina’s words rang in my ears.

It’s better to be wrong and speak up then to be right and not speak up. If you are wrong you can say sorry. If you are right and something happens to the girls you can’t undo it.

I knew Gina had been right. I needed to speak up and do what was right. I could not let these children be in harms way. I just had to say something as their teacher. I had to stand in. Maybe if someone had stood in before, someone had spoken up, the older sister would still be alive. I did not want to hold on to the guilt of these children being hurt, or worse because I did not say anything. I was a teacher and it was my job not only to teach children, but to protect them in the best way I could.

Jesus I want to make it through this, and I want to reach out to these children. I want to do what you would have me to do. I am grateful for the fact that you have done what you have for me, and have helped me get this far. I am grateful for the many blessings in life and for the fact that you help me through the hard times. I do not know what I would do without you. I love you Lord, and I thank you.“Gina they weren’t in class again today. I am really starting to worry about them. I wonder if I did the right thing?”

 

“Justine you did the right thing, but I will be praying that someone says something. That the news is good and that these children are safe. I know that you are questioning whether you did the right thing Justine, but as their teacher and an adult you needed to say something. If you are wrong that is a good thing, but if you were right you just may have saved not only these kids life, but there sisters and brothers.”

“I’m trying to look at it that way, but I am struggling too Gina. I just don’t like this feeling. I don’t like to think that some parents are so full of hate that they hurt their own children and worse. I keep thinking about the older sister they talked about. I have a feeling that wasn’t an accident.”

“I am getting that same feeling, just from what you have told me.”

“It’s horrifying to think about, but sadly this would not be the first time something like this happens. I can not begin to understand how anyone could do this to a child.”

“There is a lot of evil in the world, it makes it hard to think of God’s blessings sometimes, but we can’t loose site of what the Lord has done for us.”

After I hung up the phone feeling a little comfort from talking with my best friend, but I knew I needed to turn to the word too. I found myself reading Ephesians 1

1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God,

To God’s holy people in Ephesus,[

2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Praise for Spiritual Blessings in Christ

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[

11 In him we were also chosen,[

Thanksgiving and Prayer

15 For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all God’s people, 16 I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. 17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit[

 

Reading the word helped me to feel more at ease. I found myself finally thinking clearly enough to be able to grade the homework from the days prior and get the lesson plans ready for the next couple of days. I was going to get through this, and I was going to make sure that I was able to be there for my other students, and I was going to keep praying for Helen and Heather. I could only hope and pray that tomorrow I would find them sitting in the front row seat quietly waiting for class to start.

Lord thank you for getting me this far. Thank you for letting me see what I needed to do. I am letting questions get in the wy Lord, so please let me stop letting these stumble blocks to stop me from doing what you would have me to do. I love you Lord, and I praise you.. Help me to do what you would have me to do, and to have more faith in the ways you touch my life in heart. I am grateful for you Lord, in more ways than you know.“What were you guys scaredy cats, to come to school.” Kyle began teasing the first thing the next morning. I was relieved to see that Helen and Heater had made it, but Kyle’s behavior was more than a little nerve wracking.
“Kyle can you please leave them alone and go sit at your own desk now.” I said, raising my voice loud enough to make him understand that I meant bussiness.

“I don’t have to listen to you.”

“Kyle we have been over this before, you have to listen to me. I am your teacher.”

Kyle kicked my leg, but was surprised when I did not react.

“Kyle you are not going to hurt me by kicking me, but you are making me sad, by the way you are acting, and you are hurting Helen and Heather. You need to behave, or you will go to the office again and this time you will get suspended.”

“I don’t care. I still don’t have to listen to you.”

Lord I need to reach out to this kid, something needs to be done about them. He seems to get pleasure in picking on the weakest ones in the crowd. What is making him act like this Lord?“Kyle you need to show more respect. Others are not going to like you if you bully them, they are only going to be afraid of you. “

 

“Good I want them to be afraid of me.”

“Kyle it must be lonely if you go through life bullying everyone and not trying to make friends.”

“I don’t care.”

If he didn’t care why did this little boy look so sad. He tried to cover it up by being a bully but I had a feeling that he was upset.

There are more than one type of abuse, something might be going on to make Kyle act this way. Maybe he feels he is neglected at home and is crying out for attention The truth was I did not see much of these little boys parents. He rarely talked about them or siblings. He was friends with Megan and that was the only person he really talked to, and lately it seemed even Megan was having second thoughts. She had gotten in trouble with him once and was trying to behave herself more. I knew I owed the Lord thanks for that.

 

“Kyle I don’t think you really mean you don’t care. And I am not going to punish you for kicking me. I can’t feel it anyway, but if it happens again, you will get in trouble, and I want you to apologize to Helen and Heather.”

“I don’t want too.”

“It’s not a matter of wanting to or not wanting to, you need to do what is right.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do. Because it’s not good going through life always wanting to hurt others. You don’t like it when someone hurts you do you?”

“I don’t care.”

Lord I am getting tired of his response to everything being I don’t care. I can see that this little boy does care more than he realizes, but he needs to be reached out to. He needs to see that you don’t have to go through life constantly hurting others, and being a bully is no way to make friends. He is lonely Lord I can see that, but he has to stop taking his loneliness out on everyone he perceives as weaker Lord.“Kyle I know you can say more than you don’t care.”

 

Kyle just shrugged. At least this time I did not get a smart mouth comment or get kicked by him. Not that I felt the physical pain from being kicked in the leg, I had no feeling below my waist, but the fact that he felt he could do that did bother me. Did his parents teach him right from wrong? I wondered.

 

Chapter Eighteen:

How are classes going so far? Gina asked. I was visiting her, talking to her, trying to encourage her, and share some good news with her. Gina had worried about having to face leaving the hospital alone, and after talking to Mom, we agreed she could spend a few weeks with us. I was grateful for Mom and Dad’s support in this.

Good. But I wanted to ask you something.

Go ahead.

You are being released from the Rehab center next week right?

Yes. Don’t remind me. I am a little scared.

Gina it’s a good thing you are being released.
I know that. I am just a little scared.

Anyway that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Would you come and stay with us for a little bit? I could use the support.

Justine you are doing this for me. I don’t think you really need my help.

Gina come on, yes I do, and yes I want to do this for you. You have done a lot of rme.

I am glad I helped you Justine, but that doesn’t mean you have to let me move in.

Gina we want to do this for you.

I don’t like the idea of needing your help.

Gina, the fact is at times we all need help from time to time, whether or not we are in a chair, and I want to be here for you. You are my best friend, my sister in Christ. I want to do this for you.

A few seconds later Gina was crying. I worried I had done something to upset her. I did not want to hurt her, I was only trying to help.

I’m sorry Gina. I didn’t mean to be thoughtless.

Justine don’t be silly, I just can’t believe you would do this for me. I really am grateful and yes I will come and stay with you, because the fact is I can’t face this alone yet.

You don’t have to Gina.

I know you thought I was the stronger one Justine, but look at you, you are the one supporting me through this.

Gina you’re a little scared that’s understandable. But you are going to get through this. We aren’t going to let you go through this alone. You are family to us, we are all brothers and sisters in the Lord’s eyes, and I want to be here for you Gina.

I am glad Justine, I am scared. I didn’t think I would be this scared, but I really am. There is still things I need help with.

Gina that’s okay. I am still struggling and learning to, we have to adapt to a new way of doing things, but we don’t have to give up.

I know Justine. I just let my flesh get in the way sometimes.

I think we all do from time to time.

Amen to that. But we have to get past that.

I agree.

I am glad he brought us together as friends Justine. The Lord allowed us to come friends for a reason.

Amen.
Gina I am going to take a few classes at the college not take part in the Paralympics.

I have no doubt if you wanted it, and you put your mind to it, then you could take part in them.

I don’t think that’s my calling.

I am just saying if you put your mind to it you could do it.

I want to teach.

I know and you are going to be a great teacher Justine.

I hope so, truth be told sometimes the thought of it scares me, but this is what I want to do. I am going to make it, I have to believe that.

Sweetie you made it through an accident that changed your life, you can make it through a few years of college and then get your teaching degree.

I hope so.

Don’t give up on yourself Justine, God hasn’t given up on you.

I know I am just nervous. I am stepping out into the world now, and truth be told I am still scared. Things are going to be different now, I can’t walk.

That doesn’t mean you can’t learn.

I know that in my mind, but I still have so many questions, so many concerns.

Justine you are going to do fine.

What would I do without you Gina?

I don’t know. The good Lord knew we needed each other to fight through this.

I am sorry if I sound like I am complaining. I don’t know how you can always be so strong.

Justine I am not super woman I have my weak moments.

You never say anything Gina. You always seem to be so positive.

Justine don’t get me wrong I am grateful I am here, but there were times I found myself questioning why the Lord just didn’t take me home. When the doctors thought I would never use my arms or legs again, I thought my life was over. I thought I was just going to have to depend on everyone, but then the Lord spoke to me and I knew I had to fight this. I may not be able to walk but I am slowly getting use of my arms and hands, and soon I will even be able to drive.

I didn’t know that Gina. I am sorry you went through that, but look how much stronger you are.

Not always. Gina said. Fighting back tears.

Gina it’s okay to cry and grieve sometimes it doesn’t make you weak, it only makes you human.

I know Justine, I know that in my heart, but my head keeps telling me I need to be strong. That I need to just suck it in.

Gina this isn’t something you can just suck in. I am learning that now more than ever, but it is something we can live with.

I know Justine, and I am glad you are here for me.

Gina you have been here for me too.

I just feel that sometimes I don’t help you as much as I could.

Gina you are a blessing, I am glad we are friends, and you help me in more ways than you know. I hope you don’t forget that. If it weren’t for the Lord bringing us together I would have probably given up, but Gina you showed me that I could overcome and that I could achieve.

I am glad I could help, but it was really the Lord using me.

And you allowed yourself to be used by God to many times we turn away from God.

How can you be so wise when you are only seventeen?

I guess it’s the Lord working through me.

Amen.

But Gina when you feel down don’t be afraid to talk to me. When you need a shoulder to cry on, I hope you know I am here for you.

Thank you Justine.

You are welcome Gina, that’s what friends are for, and I am glad we are friends.

I am too the Lord has blessed us.

Amen.

I had not allowed myself to think what Gina must be feeling until then. I knew from time to time she must get upset, but I had not known that right after her accident she had asked the Lord why he hadn’t taken her home. Nor did I know the exact extent of her injuries until she had opened up to me and told me what had been on her heart. Until she had shared with me all she had been through. At seventeen I was finally starting to see that others went through struggles, struggles unlike anything I could imagine. We both may have been in accidents, that had altered our life, but I could no more know exactly what she was going through, then she could know what I was going through. But the Lord had brought us together for a reason. I was learning that the Lord was faithful in blessing us with people and loved ones in our lives even when we were not always faithful to him and I knew that was something that I had to be thankful for .

To many kids my age were to busy trying to taste independence, not learning the importance of being dependent on God, but this was a lesson I was learning and I was grateful for the lesson. I needed to know the joy of being dependent on the Lord, knowing that no matter what happened the Lord was with me, I just had to reach out.

Learning that when I felt the Lord had abandoned me, it was actually me doing the hiding.

I had made it this far, because of the Lord, now I would be starting college. It was an answer to prayer.

A true answer to prayer.

The Lord was good at helping me through this. I am going to make it with the help of the Lord and the people in my life. I understood that and I understood that I was going to have times of trials. I knew that I could lean on the Lord though and that he would bring people in my life to help me through.

Gina thank you for being honest with me, and telling me what you went through.

Justine I feel I should, because you open up to me. I just have an issue with trusting sometimes, and certainly I have an issue with others seeing my weaknesses.

You know what, we are a lot in that way.

I guess you are right about that.

No wonder we make such good friends.

Justine you are truly the best friend I ever had.

You are the best friend I have ever had as well Gina. I know that I could have made it out of here without you.

Honestly Justine I am scared, you have a family to go home to when you go home, I have to face the world on my own.

Gina you are strong, and you are going to make it, and you are family to me. I will be there for you.

Thank you Justine. I will be released before long, and I just don’t know how I am going to do.

Sweetie you are going to do great.

I don’t know Justine.

Don’t give up Gina, a good friend once told me that. I said smiling at my best friend.

I really am happy for you though Justine, I don’t want you to think that I am not happy for you, because I am. You are doing so good and you have come so far.

Thank you, but for the Grace of God. And now I can start college and try to get back to a semi normal life.

It will just be a different normal Justine.

That’s a good way to look at it.

Thank you. I have had a lot of time to think about that. I just have to remind myself that when I leave here.

You will be fine Gina.

I know its just going to take some time.

Don’t give up!

I’m not Justine, just having a little pity party. I know I need to stop that. Mom I know and I know I have a long way to go, but I am strong enough to do this. I want to start classes. I am not going to overdo it, but this is college, not some marathon.

I know sweetie, but you have been dealing with so much.

Mom you were the one who told me you didn’t want me sitting around feeling sorry for myself, because I could no longer walk. I know you did not say it in those exact words, but Mom you were right. And I am doing that now. I want to go to college. I am already a semester behind Mom. I want to do this.

I’m sorry sweetie, I am just afraid for you. You were hurt, and I don’t want to see you hurt anymore. I mean not only physically but emotionally.

Mom I know my life has changed, and yes I have those days when I just have to make myself get out of bed, but I want to do what the Lord would have me to do and I want to teach. I feel that is my calling. I understand I can still do that, although I may not be able to walk.

I know I just love you and worry about you.

God has me Mom, I am not doing anything without seeking him first. At least I try not to, I know I am not perfect, but I want to do what I can to make it through this. I am going to lean on him Mom, and when I need to I will lean on you and Daddy as well. Besides Mom I am only starting out at the local college, I won’t be leaving home right away.

I know sweetie, just a Mothers job to worry.

I know Mom but the Bible says we should give our worries and cares over the Lord.

You are right about that sweetie.

I know Mom and I am really glad that I have such a Mother who cares for me through all of this.

I am glad that I can help you sweetie.

I love you and Dad for all you have done, but I need to be allowed to stumble and fall sometimes Mom. I need to be allowed to taste life again. I may be in this chair, but it does not mean I don’t want to live a full life.

Justine I am glad you have that faith, and that you see that we are trying to help you. I know I can be overbearing at times. But I was so afraid when I got the call saying you were in an accident, and were being rushed to the hospital. I thought I had lost you, we should have been celebrating your high school graduation, instead we were listening to the doctors tell you that you had irreversible spinal cord damage, and you would likely never walk again. It broke my heart, but seeing you want to give up on life broke my heart even more, because you have always been such a fighter Justine.

I was scared to Mom, so scared I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I did not know what everything mean I just knew that in an instant my life changed in ways I did not expect. I could not even begin to wrap my head around it all, but I was grieving to, because some of the things I had taken for granted were now impossible for me. Those first few weeks were the hardest because I needed help with the most basic of things, and it was embarrassing. I still get embarrassed when I have to ask for help.

Asking for help does not mean you are weak sweetie, it just means you are human and sometimes you need help.

I know but it was hard Mom.

I know it was sweetie.

Thank you Mom for everything you have done and for sticking by me through this. I could not have been through this without you and Dad, and Gina, and most importantly the Lord.

Your welcome sweetie, we all want to help you. I know you are doing better Justine, you are getting a little stronger by the day, but you know that we are still here for you, when you need us.

I know Mom and I am grateful.

I know you are sweetie. But that’s just a Mothers job.

And you are a great Mother. And Daddy is a great Father.

I am glad that we can be that for you. Sometimes we wonder.

Mom you guys do great.

I am glad we do.

I am really glad that you made sure that I did not give up. I was ready to, I was so lost Mom, so afraid.

I know you were sweetie. I was afraid for you, but I wanted to be strong for you. I did not want you to see my fear. But I found myself spending a lot of time in prayer and in tears.

I’m sorry I put you through that.

Sweetie its not that you did anything wrong, it’s just that when you hurt I hurt. That’s the way a Mothers love is.

I am glad that you stuck with me through this Mom, I am glad for everything Dad did too.

 

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