Not As It Seems Chapters 38-40

Chapter Thirty Eight:

“Justine are you sure this is what the Lord’s calling you to do? Aren’t five children a little much for anyone to handle?” Mom asked.

“Anyone whose not in a chair Mom? I can do these, and these children aren’t babies, they are able to do things on their own.”

“Justine that is not what I meant and you know it, I am just afraid you might be biting off more than you can chew.”

“Mom I feel the Lord is calling me to do this, I have prayed about it.”

“How can you be sure he is calling you to do this?”

“I don’t know how to explain it Mom, I just know.”

“That really doesn’t seem like much of an answer Justine?”

Lord if you are really calling me to do this, and I feel you are, I am going to need your help convincing my Mom. I think she is going to be the hardest hurdle to overcome.“I don’t want to see you hurt Justine.”


“They are good kids.”

“Good kids who need a lot of help.”

“That’s why I need to be there for them.”

“I think your heart is to good at times.”

“Mom that’s just silly, I am doing what I feel the Lord is calling me to do. It doesn’t make me a saint, I have made plenty of mistakes. I owe it to these kids, to their Father, and to myself to do this.”

“Your taking in these kids out of guilt?”

“No Mom I am taking in these kids because they need me, and because I need them too. Don’t you see? God put us together for a reason.”

“Yeah to teach them, not to Mother them.”

“It’s more than that Mom, I wish you would try to understand. I don’t want to argue with you, but this is something I am going to do.”

“I wish you would reconsider.”

“Whether you support me in this or not, these children are going to be a part of my life, and I am going to become their Guardian if the paperwork goes through I am taking that as a yes from God. If you want to let them be a part of your life great, if not Mom, I will do this alone, but I am going to do this.”

I didn’t like arguing with my Mom and we didn’t do it very often, but this was something I was passionate about. Something I felt the Lord calling me to do. I was going to do my best to help these children with or without my Mom’s support. I knew my Dad would remain neutral in the subject, he wanted what was best for me, but he also trusted my judgement. Moments like this I wish my Mom felt the same way.

I understood my Moms questions, I had them at first myself, but the more I prayed about it, the more I felt this was what the Lord was calling me to do, take in these children who needed me and I was going to do my very best to do just that. I was not naïve enough to think it was going to be easy, and I knew we would have struggles, but it was going to be good for me and for the children. I believed that as much as I believed in the air I was breathing.

The Lord was working on my heart through these children, and I felt I was being shown the importance of not judging a situation before knowing the fact. I had nearly ruined there Fathers reputation by doing that. I had known what it was like being unfairly judged and I had done that to someone else, I could not help but feel guilty because of that. I knew though that the Lord did not want me to let the guilt eat me up. I was going to have to let it go, and forgive myself, and just learn from my mistake. A lesson I knew was not going to be easy, but it was going to be a lesson worth learning. I understood that now. I understood a lot of things, and I was going to do my best to get through these things and to help the children through.

These children had not only lost a sister, but a Mother and Father, all because of their Mother’s actions, because of the fact that she murdered her own daughter. Sick or not what she had done was inexcusable, and so was the fact that the Father had hid it for so long, but he really believed he was protecting his children that way. I may not understand it, but I could see why he would want to protect his children, in the way he couldn’t Kristen. His oldest daughter, that had been so brutally taken from him.


















Chapter Thirty Nine:

Mommy killed Kristen Helen! Why did we think it was Daddy?

Chapter Forty:

“Justine your Mom only wants the best for you. She’s concerned that’s all.”

“I know she is concerned but I am really able to do what is best for me. I feel this is the right thing Dad. This is what the Lord is calling me to do.”

“If you feel that way sweetie, I believe you will do a great job. I always knew you would make a great Mom. I just never expected it to happen like this.”

“God has a way of working in our lives in ways we don’t expect.”

Dad was right about that. I certainly could not argue with him there.

“I know I just wish Mom would see this is what I feel God is calling me to do. I truly believe these children were placed in my life for a reason. I have no doubt about that.”

“I believe you are doing what you feel the Lord is calling you to do I have no doubt about that, I also have no doubt that your Mom is trying to protect you too.”

“I know but I am no longer a little girl. I need to do this.”

“I understand that sweetie, and I think deep down your Mom does to, but she is your Mom and she wants to do the best for you.”

“I know but I feel she doesn’t support me in this.”

“Sweetie I think deep down she does, she just wants to protect you too. She doesn’t want to see you hurt.”

“I am going to be okay Dad, the Lord is going to help me through this. I made it through the accident, I think I can make it though almost anything with the help of the Lord. I know that I am going to have to lean on him and expect help from others, but Dad I really feel this something I need to do.”

“Then sweetie do it, I am not going to stand in your way, and when it comes down to it, you know your Mom is going to support you.”

“I hope so Dad, I really want her support through this, and I would like her blessing, but I am going to do this one way or another.”

“Sweetie you’re an adult you don’t really need her blessing.”

“It would just be nice to know that she supported me in this.”

“I’ll talk to her sweetie.”

“Thank you Dad.”

“You are welcome sweetie, I am proud of you and I know your Mom is too.”

“I love you Dad.”

“I love you too sweetie.”

I knew Dad was right Mom wanted the best for me. I just wanted her to support me through this and I really did not feel she was doing that. I wanted my Mom’s support, and I wanted her to understand that I was doing this, because I truly believed the Lord was calling me to do this. I had no doubt about that.

I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time. I wanted to celebrate the fact that I was being given a family in a way that was most unexpected, but I wanted my Mom and Dads support.

It seemed only second laters the phone rang.

The voice on the other end told me that God had answered my prayer. I was meant to care for these children.

The fathers petion to let me care for these children to let me become their legal guardian had been excepted.

God had spoken.

I turned to Genesis 25 that spoke of God giving Rebekka a child, and thought of how the Lord hd answered my prayer, for children, not in the same way, but he had answerd my prayer there was no denying that:

Genesis 25

The Death of Abraham

1 Abraham had taken another wife, whose name was Keturah. 2 She bore him Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian, Ishbak and Shuah. 3 Jokshan was the father of Sheba and Dedan; the descendants of Dedan were the Ashurites, the Letushites and the Leummites. 4 The sons of Midian were Ephah, Epher, Hanok, Abida and Eldaah. All these were descendants of Keturah.

5 Abraham left everything he owned to Isaac. 6 But while he was still living, he gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them away from his son Isaac to the land of the east.

7 Abraham lived a hundred and seventy-five years. 8 Then Abraham breathed his last and died at a good old age, an old man and full of years; and he was gathered to his people. 9 His sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah near Mamre, in the field of Ephron son of Zohar the Hittite, 10 the field Abraham had bought from the Hittites.[

I don’t know Daddy’s not the monster, but Mommy is.

Mommy’s sick in the head, that’s what everyone says.

Still she shouldn’t have killed Kristen, Kristen didn’t do anything.

I know.

I feel bad for thinking Daddy was the Monster.

Daddy says he’s not mad at us, he wanted us to think that, he wanted to protect us he said.

I know Helen, but it’s scary thinking Mommy did that.

I know Heather.

What’s going to happen to us?

Daddy said we are going to go live with Miss Kimball.



I like Miss Kimball.

I do too, and we all get to stay together, as long as the judge and the lawyers say its okay.

Do you think they will?

We will have to pray to Jesus about it?


You know what else?


If we stay with Miss Kimball, we are all going to get to stay together, Daddy said so.

You mean we wont get separated?

No that will be good.

I know.

I want to live Miss Kimball.

Me too.

I think this is going to be a good thing. Miss Kimball is really nice.

I know.

I wish Mommy was more like Miss Kimball and not a monster.

Me too.


a] There Abraham was buried with his wife Sarah. 11 After Abraham’s death, God blessed his son Isaac, who then lived near Beer Lahai Roi. b] all the tribes related to them. c] and sister of Laban the Aramean. d] 26 After this, his brother came out, with his hand grasping Esau’s heel; so he was named Jacob.[e] Isaac was sixty years old when Rebekah gave birth to them. f]) The Lord spoke to my heart in an amazing way, and I was more than grateful for that. I was going to do what I could to make sure that I did everything I could to make sure these children were happy that they got the help and care they needed. They deserved that much. They deserved to know that there were people who were caring about them.

Ishmael’s Sons

12 This is the account of the family line of Abraham’s son Ishmael, whom Sarah’s slave, Hagar the Egyptian, bore to Abraham.

13 These are the names of the sons of Ishmael, listed in the order of their birth: Nebaioth the firstborn of Ishmael, Kedar, Adbeel, Mibsam, 14 Mishma, Dumah, Massa, 15 Hadad, Tema, Jetur, Naphish and Kedemah. 16 These were the sons of Ishmael, and these are the names of the twelve tribal rulers according to their settlements and camps. 17 Ishmael lived a hundred and thirty-seven years. He breathed his last and died, and he was gathered to his people. 18 His descendants settled in the area from Havilah to Shur, near the eastern border of Egypt, as you go toward Ashur. And they lived in hostility toward[

Jacob and Esau

19 This is the account of the family line of Abraham’s son Isaac.

Abraham became the father of Isaac, 20 and Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah daughter of Bethuel the Aramean from Paddan Aram[

21 Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was childless. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. 22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, “Why is this happening to me?” So she went to inquire of the LORD.

23 The LORD said to her,

“Two nations are in your womb, 
and two peoples from within you will be separated; 
one people will be stronger than the other, 
and the older will serve the younger.”

24 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 25 The first to come out was red, and his whole body was like a hairy garment; so they named him Esau.[

27 The boys grew up, and Esau became a skillful hunter, a man of the open country, while Jacob was content to stay at home among the tents. 28 Isaac, who had a taste for wild game, loved Esau, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

29 Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. 30 He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.[

31 Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”

32 “Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”

33 But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.

34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.

So Esau despised his birthright


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